A few hours before Louis CK’s scheduled 7:30 show on Saturday night, the Orpheum Theater in New Orleans sent me an urgent text: “Due to heightened security, please arrive an hour early.”
Oh shit, I thought, they’re worried someone will assassinate Louis CK. But no, Louis himself had heightened security, scared we’d make recordings and leak his jokes. He also had a no note-taking rule in effect. Which meant I really had to hide my pen and pad.
At 6:30 I got into a line that wrapped around the building. It was mostly white guys, but at least half brought their lady dates. I did not see even one of my friends–a rare thing at a huge show in tiny New Orleans. I was sort of embarrassed to be there myself. I’d really loved Louis CK back before, as Dave Chappelle put it, “He died in that terrible masturbation accident.” I’d planned to boycott Louis for at least a few years, but got free tickets at the last moment. Now, I’d reduced my boycott to just not putting money in his pocket (unless the theater gave him a cut of the $12 I paid for a cup of wine). I felt as if I was on my way to rendezvous with a shitty ex that I knew I should avoid, but for whom I secretly longed.
A Giant Line To Pee
The heightened security and the massive line (Louis CK had quickly sold out two nights at the 1,500-seat Orpheum) made it seem as if something big was happening. Yet I could not for the life of me sell my partner’s abandoned ticket. No one was even looking for tickets. Not only that, but because I left my cell phone in my car like a civilized human being, and didn’t have to have it locked in a Yondr pouch, I somehow walked right in and got my hand stamped without anyone checking either of my tickets.
In the lobby, I immediately saw something I’d never seen before in my life: a giant line for the men’s room and absolutely no line for the women’s. I imagine Rush concerts were probably like this, but standing in line to pee was definitely a new experience for me. CLICK HERE to read the rest of this review at BOOK & FILM GLOBE…